I'm tired. Tired of being sick. I've had this cold for two weeks now, and it's a miserable one. Has turned into a sinus/ear infection now, my eyes and nose won't stop running (check Kuwait...they might have run to there by now), and I've a nasty cough. I've also been dealing with inept doctors, and some new symptoms to this damnable auto-immune thing, and have yet another 'new' diagnosis to add to all the others. I'm just damn tired.
How can a body produce so much snot? Seriously? My goddess!!! It's just obscene. I know I've produced my body weight, and then some...in snot. Blech!!!
So...I have to take cholesterol medicine...Lipitor. Whines some more. For the rest of my life. And...I have to change my eating habits...again. I've gotten lax this last year or two. Back to lower fat/cholesterol intakes...again.
And...I have to use an inhaler...Advere? Whines some more. For the rest of my life. And...I've a quit smoking date...January 15th...again.
I've gained back about 10-15 lbs of all that weight I lost. Whines some more. I need to start exercising...again. When I can breathe...again.
It's difficult to maintain those kinds of lifestyle changes, though I was faithful for a good number of years. This has been scary enough...these breathing issues...that I believe I'll stick to it all...for the rest of my life. Blech!!!
I suppose this is where my program comes in handy...*winks @ Suni*...one day at a time.
Whine over.
There's a man...let's call him "Ill"...chuckles. He reads these blogs so as to know you all...to see our interactions with one another, too. He's a nice man. You kids would like him.
Love you all...yer Mutha...
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
OK...just a mishmash update...
Chrissie had to give away one of her cats because the cat started peeing on everything. Soaked the carpet in her room...through to the wood floor below. It was nasty when we pulled up the carpet. Got rid of the smell though...this GREAT product that Aunt Niecey told us about worked REALLY well. No smell at all.
Her Mandark has been sick since August/September...fatty liver disease. Allegedly, this is completely reversible, but requires a diligent approach to feeding/watering in order for DarkDude to get his strength back. Chrissie increased his food recently, which has given him some much needed (and good to see) energy. He's moving around...leaving her room/bed for parts of the house he'd not explored in months. Grounds for celebration, as I really wasn't sure he was going to be alright.
However, a new development has him with no control over his bowels...or something like that. Where ever he sits, he leaves poo...lots of it...too much of it. Bathroom, Dining Room, Chrissie's bed. I'm grossed out. Because I'm home all day, I get to deal with this...well...not cleaning it up really, but whoomp...there it is. So, I put up the gate to keep him in her room. I don't mean to make her feel badly, and am totally stoked that he's moving around again, but kitty poo all over the house is just gross. I just can't deal with that.
On another note...I'm quilting again. I made some Xmas presents...can't say what because I mailed some to Suni, and Bumbies, but making them got me back into that again. Chuckles...dining room table is covered in material, sewing machine, and paraphernalia. I make good messes. Though I really enjoy having Chrissie here, I'll be glad to confine such messes to that extra room when she leaves this summer. Easier to spread out more, too.
Girls are good. Lu is having some difficulty getting up and down the steps to go outside now. Winter is hard for her. I give her a baby aspirin every day, which seems to help some. Missy is her same self...ornery, mischevious lil monkey. I'll be the crazy dog lady...plans to get another next summer.
I start a round of tests today. These breathing issues are worrisome, and docs are trying to figure out why...what...and course of treatment. Scary stuff when breathing is impaired in any way. Allergies...yup...part of it...nasal passages nearly completely closed, but allergy meds keep that in check well enough to ease that aspect. CT scan of lungs is clear in terms of nasty, really scary stuff. Breathing test with respiratory therapist (today), and cardiologist appointment next week. I get to do my yearly booby smash next week, too. I think I'm allergic to Illinois...mhmm...I do.
Sooo...I've been cutting down on my caffeine intake. I'm down to 1/3 regular coffee, and 2/3 decaf. Couple more weeks, and I'll be totally decaf. I've a stop date for smoking, too. Yup...amazing what fear can motivate one to do. I knew I had to stop drinking coffee...that small coffee pot I've been using?...the little 4 cupper?...I was filling the basket...a little over 2 cups of freshly ground coffee beans. Waaaaaaay too much caffeine. Coffee's a smoking trigger for me, so I had to cut that out before I could stop smoking. Have a treadmill...exactly like the one I had in AZ...GrandPa John gave it to me...so, I'll walk on that, too. Well...I will when I can breathe again.
And, last, but certainly not least. I've been telling everyone about your NCO of the Year, T. They're ALL so proud of you, as I am. What an incredible thing you've accomplished! GrandPa John said, "Damn! That's GREAT!" Chuckles...a man of few words. He was thrilled. Uncles Mick, and Dennis, and Aunt Niecey were beside themselves...all puffed up...chuckles...you military types. My Canadian friends were so thrilled...Michael, and Angela...Michael's the retired Army fella...was filled with pride for you. Don't be surprised to hear from any of the above.
I'm curious about this NCO of the Year. Is this for your base? Then...will there be another one where you 'compete' against those from all the bases? How does that work? Michael indicated that there were levels of this, and that you would progress through them with all the others?
Well...I'm off to do some sewing this morning. Love you all. Leaving hugs, and cow kisses.
Yer Motha...
Her Mandark has been sick since August/September...fatty liver disease. Allegedly, this is completely reversible, but requires a diligent approach to feeding/watering in order for DarkDude to get his strength back. Chrissie increased his food recently, which has given him some much needed (and good to see) energy. He's moving around...leaving her room/bed for parts of the house he'd not explored in months. Grounds for celebration, as I really wasn't sure he was going to be alright.
However, a new development has him with no control over his bowels...or something like that. Where ever he sits, he leaves poo...lots of it...too much of it. Bathroom, Dining Room, Chrissie's bed. I'm grossed out. Because I'm home all day, I get to deal with this...well...not cleaning it up really, but whoomp...there it is. So, I put up the gate to keep him in her room. I don't mean to make her feel badly, and am totally stoked that he's moving around again, but kitty poo all over the house is just gross. I just can't deal with that.
On another note...I'm quilting again. I made some Xmas presents...can't say what because I mailed some to Suni, and Bumbies, but making them got me back into that again. Chuckles...dining room table is covered in material, sewing machine, and paraphernalia. I make good messes. Though I really enjoy having Chrissie here, I'll be glad to confine such messes to that extra room when she leaves this summer. Easier to spread out more, too.
Girls are good. Lu is having some difficulty getting up and down the steps to go outside now. Winter is hard for her. I give her a baby aspirin every day, which seems to help some. Missy is her same self...ornery, mischevious lil monkey. I'll be the crazy dog lady...plans to get another next summer.
I start a round of tests today. These breathing issues are worrisome, and docs are trying to figure out why...what...and course of treatment. Scary stuff when breathing is impaired in any way. Allergies...yup...part of it...nasal passages nearly completely closed, but allergy meds keep that in check well enough to ease that aspect. CT scan of lungs is clear in terms of nasty, really scary stuff. Breathing test with respiratory therapist (today), and cardiologist appointment next week. I get to do my yearly booby smash next week, too. I think I'm allergic to Illinois...mhmm...I do.
Sooo...I've been cutting down on my caffeine intake. I'm down to 1/3 regular coffee, and 2/3 decaf. Couple more weeks, and I'll be totally decaf. I've a stop date for smoking, too. Yup...amazing what fear can motivate one to do. I knew I had to stop drinking coffee...that small coffee pot I've been using?...the little 4 cupper?...I was filling the basket...a little over 2 cups of freshly ground coffee beans. Waaaaaaay too much caffeine. Coffee's a smoking trigger for me, so I had to cut that out before I could stop smoking. Have a treadmill...exactly like the one I had in AZ...GrandPa John gave it to me...so, I'll walk on that, too. Well...I will when I can breathe again.
And, last, but certainly not least. I've been telling everyone about your NCO of the Year, T. They're ALL so proud of you, as I am. What an incredible thing you've accomplished! GrandPa John said, "Damn! That's GREAT!" Chuckles...a man of few words. He was thrilled. Uncles Mick, and Dennis, and Aunt Niecey were beside themselves...all puffed up...chuckles...you military types. My Canadian friends were so thrilled...Michael, and Angela...Michael's the retired Army fella...was filled with pride for you. Don't be surprised to hear from any of the above.
I'm curious about this NCO of the Year. Is this for your base? Then...will there be another one where you 'compete' against those from all the bases? How does that work? Michael indicated that there were levels of this, and that you would progress through them with all the others?
Well...I'm off to do some sewing this morning. Love you all. Leaving hugs, and cow kisses.
Yer Motha...
Friday, December 12, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Chucklin'...
I finally put up my Christmas tree. It’s beautiful this year, though some would cringe in horror…well, some DO cringe in horror. I, on the other hand, absolutely love it. Tacky elegance at its finest.
Most of you know this, but...for those of you who don't...I collect pink flamingoes. Mhmm…pink flamingoes. They are in my yard (yup, the tacky plastic yard birds, among others), in my house, and on the dashboard of my car. Some of the pieces I have are very elegant, beautifully crafted pieces of…dare I say it?…art. Some of them are tacky and cheesy. Fun stuff. One of my favorite pieces is a brightly colored print of a leather clad biker flamingo astride a Harley Davidson motorcycle. She was a gift…most of them have been gifts. Another one is a beautiful, hand-blown Murano glass piece from Italy. She’s very delicate, and quite lovely.
I do a couple of things with my flamingoes, one of which is to decorate a white Christmas tree with them, pink feather boas, pink glass ball ornaments, and a multi-colored flamingo tree skirt. It’s awesome this year…just grins. I usually leave it up until the day before Easter.
My Mother is mortified. This is the first time she’s actually seen my flamingo tree. Secretly? I think she loves it…my flamingo fascination. She gives me flamingo ‘stuff’ all the time…like the wonderfully tacky side table with a flamingo/pussy willow/bamboo foundation, and a glass table top that she gave me for my BirthDay this year. She finds the most unusual pieces.
Anyway…I still have to dress up the yard flamingoes. I do that to them. Dress them up. For Halloween they were dressed in a purple and black witches outfit, a red, and silver fairy costume…complete with wings, an orange Cat in the Hat hat with matching tie, and neon orange wig, and…hmm…what else? Eh…can’t remember at the moment. They have been dressed in grass skirts, and Hawaiian leis for a luau, and at Christmas…yup…Santa Mingo, and the reinmingoes. This year will be the first year for that. I’m stoked!!! I found a smallish…just the right size…white wicker sleigh at a yardsale over the summer, and will finally…YAYYYY!!!…add that final piece to my Christmas scene. I’m thinking the flamingo perched in the tree (he lost his wire legs due to an unfortunate accident, so he’s wired into the crook of the crabapple tree in my front yard) will be dressed as an elf this year…or…something.
The first time I did this…hmmm…about 8 years ago…T (about 15 at the time) was…well…stunned. He came inside shaking his head, and simply said, “Now I know you’re on crack.” I wasn’t…am not. I think he wonders sometimes why I’m not like other mothers.
Really? I started this collection when I was in college…about 20 years ago, and it’s grown…boy has it grown. They make me smile. Dressing them up makes me laugh, and smile some more. The expressions on people’s faces when they see them? Priceless. My neighbors? Well…let’s just say that they adjust to my eccentricities. Like the ceramic white porcelain naked woman on my front steps…who…for some reason…had a rope noose around her neck for awhile. I think Meggie did that…not sure really.
I’m considering a toilet planter for the front yard this Spring. I’ve the perfect spot for it. Of course, I’ll have to find just the right flamingo to perch on the tank.
I live in a very old neighborhood. Kind of stuffy…upper-middle class. It’s the neighborhood/area where I grew up. Safe. Comfortable. Near the park…so the girls (aka my two dogs) and I take regular walks down by the duck pond…drives Missy NUTS because she wants to chase them. Anyway…it’s kind of fun tweaking the conservatives in the neighborhood, along with the fun of decorating my yard. The chuckles and grins elicited are the icing.
I think I’ll finish putting out my Xmas decorations today.
That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it.
Most of you know this, but...for those of you who don't...I collect pink flamingoes. Mhmm…pink flamingoes. They are in my yard (yup, the tacky plastic yard birds, among others), in my house, and on the dashboard of my car. Some of the pieces I have are very elegant, beautifully crafted pieces of…dare I say it?…art. Some of them are tacky and cheesy. Fun stuff. One of my favorite pieces is a brightly colored print of a leather clad biker flamingo astride a Harley Davidson motorcycle. She was a gift…most of them have been gifts. Another one is a beautiful, hand-blown Murano glass piece from Italy. She’s very delicate, and quite lovely.
I do a couple of things with my flamingoes, one of which is to decorate a white Christmas tree with them, pink feather boas, pink glass ball ornaments, and a multi-colored flamingo tree skirt. It’s awesome this year…just grins. I usually leave it up until the day before Easter.
My Mother is mortified. This is the first time she’s actually seen my flamingo tree. Secretly? I think she loves it…my flamingo fascination. She gives me flamingo ‘stuff’ all the time…like the wonderfully tacky side table with a flamingo/pussy willow/bamboo foundation, and a glass table top that she gave me for my BirthDay this year. She finds the most unusual pieces.
Anyway…I still have to dress up the yard flamingoes. I do that to them. Dress them up. For Halloween they were dressed in a purple and black witches outfit, a red, and silver fairy costume…complete with wings, an orange Cat in the Hat hat with matching tie, and neon orange wig, and…hmm…what else? Eh…can’t remember at the moment. They have been dressed in grass skirts, and Hawaiian leis for a luau, and at Christmas…yup…Santa Mingo, and the reinmingoes. This year will be the first year for that. I’m stoked!!! I found a smallish…just the right size…white wicker sleigh at a yardsale over the summer, and will finally…YAYYYY!!!…add that final piece to my Christmas scene. I’m thinking the flamingo perched in the tree (he lost his wire legs due to an unfortunate accident, so he’s wired into the crook of the crabapple tree in my front yard) will be dressed as an elf this year…or…something.
The first time I did this…hmmm…about 8 years ago…T (about 15 at the time) was…well…stunned. He came inside shaking his head, and simply said, “Now I know you’re on crack.” I wasn’t…am not. I think he wonders sometimes why I’m not like other mothers.
Really? I started this collection when I was in college…about 20 years ago, and it’s grown…boy has it grown. They make me smile. Dressing them up makes me laugh, and smile some more. The expressions on people’s faces when they see them? Priceless. My neighbors? Well…let’s just say that they adjust to my eccentricities. Like the ceramic white porcelain naked woman on my front steps…who…for some reason…had a rope noose around her neck for awhile. I think Meggie did that…not sure really.
I’m considering a toilet planter for the front yard this Spring. I’ve the perfect spot for it. Of course, I’ll have to find just the right flamingo to perch on the tank.
I live in a very old neighborhood. Kind of stuffy…upper-middle class. It’s the neighborhood/area where I grew up. Safe. Comfortable. Near the park…so the girls (aka my two dogs) and I take regular walks down by the duck pond…drives Missy NUTS because she wants to chase them. Anyway…it’s kind of fun tweaking the conservatives in the neighborhood, along with the fun of decorating my yard. The chuckles and grins elicited are the icing.
I think I’ll finish putting out my Xmas decorations today.
That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Well...
I've been thinking a lot about this...hmm...exchange we've been having...yet not having. I knew something that was going to hurt you. I didn't see it as detrimental in any other way except that it would hurt you. Why would I inflict such pain upon a loved one in the telling...particularly when you're so far away, and in the place in which you live right now? Parents protect their children...right or wrong in the child's eyes...parents protect their children in the best way they can...in whatever situation presents. I made the best decision as your mother at that time.
I knew your marriage was over. Yes, I asked Simone if she was involved with the man she spent a great deal of time chatting to on her computer...with his cam on her computer screen...her cam on, as well...chatting...interacting...all while I was there...visiting. Why else would I have any reason in the world to ask such a question? She's part of my life, too. You invited her into my life, T. That doesn't just end because you're divorced from her.
I also didn't think about how it would feel to know the answer, and feel as if I couldn't tell you. By the time I processed all of that, and decided I would tell you...that "I" would tell you before someone else did...a couple of months had passed...lots of reasons for that time lapse...not important now. Regardless, I knew that "I" would be the one to do that...not to have someone else say, "Well...your mom knew."
Then, you began to open up with me on a more emotional, open, honest level. I knew that I would have to reveal this even sooner because it felt too dishonest not to, particularly given this recent change in our relationship. It was a wall, and one I wouldn't have present...given all of this. I was elated that we were sharing in the way that we were. And I knew I would lose it when I told you, but I knew I had to reveal what I knew. Lose - lose. Once again.
I'm going on hiatus from this blog, T. I'll miss the interaction we were developing, but want you to feel free to do what you're doing here with others without feeling mistrustful of me, and my presence. I'll leave this up for a few days, but then I'm deleting my blog.
Enjoy the process, T...grow...find your strengths...learn to love without the angst...find your joy...live your life without allowing fear to guide your footsteps. Give a call when you have some free time, and do let me know as you receive your Xmas packages, please.
Love, Mom
I knew your marriage was over. Yes, I asked Simone if she was involved with the man she spent a great deal of time chatting to on her computer...with his cam on her computer screen...her cam on, as well...chatting...interacting...all while I was there...visiting. Why else would I have any reason in the world to ask such a question? She's part of my life, too. You invited her into my life, T. That doesn't just end because you're divorced from her.
I also didn't think about how it would feel to know the answer, and feel as if I couldn't tell you. By the time I processed all of that, and decided I would tell you...that "I" would tell you before someone else did...a couple of months had passed...lots of reasons for that time lapse...not important now. Regardless, I knew that "I" would be the one to do that...not to have someone else say, "Well...your mom knew."
Then, you began to open up with me on a more emotional, open, honest level. I knew that I would have to reveal this even sooner because it felt too dishonest not to, particularly given this recent change in our relationship. It was a wall, and one I wouldn't have present...given all of this. I was elated that we were sharing in the way that we were. And I knew I would lose it when I told you, but I knew I had to reveal what I knew. Lose - lose. Once again.
I'm going on hiatus from this blog, T. I'll miss the interaction we were developing, but want you to feel free to do what you're doing here with others without feeling mistrustful of me, and my presence. I'll leave this up for a few days, but then I'm deleting my blog.
Enjoy the process, T...grow...find your strengths...learn to love without the angst...find your joy...live your life without allowing fear to guide your footsteps. Give a call when you have some free time, and do let me know as you receive your Xmas packages, please.
Love, Mom
Monday, December 1, 2008
I'm remembering...
...snow walks this morning.
It's been snowing off and on since late Saturday night/early Sunday morning. It's a wet snow. There was an inch or two on the ground yesterday morning, but it melted to make mud puddles in the backyard by afternoon. It kept spitting that wet snow, and rain all day yesterday.
I woke up this morning to an inch or so on the ground again. It continues to snow...little wispy flurries that blow gently in the wind. Smaller flakes that the wind catches easily.
Do you remember our late night snow walks? Getting bundled up warmly to go for those late walks in the snow when it would give us a deep one?
You and Sunshine felt like you were doing something special...we were...you know...getting to stay up late for one...being outside at 10-11 at night for a walk...the quiet would always silence your exuberance for a moment as you both appreciated it for a magical moment...your playful abandon was filled with joy, and laughter. Laughs...snowballs flew...little rolls in the snow, but the laughter, and joy from the two of you always makes me smile when I remember such times. Oh...your antics were fun...funny...fond memories, but the laughter...the joy...the abandon to just being a child...were the things that warmed my heart.
We didn't have much money when you kids were younger, so I always sought those moments for you. But it was more than that really. I wanted to create cherished memories for you, and Suni...for me, and your Dad. Memories that we would all look back upon, and enjoy a laugh, or the warmth of those moments shared between us.
I have so few memories myself...from my childhood...fond, fun memories. It was one of the things, as a mother, that I wanted to create differently for you, and Sunshine. I enjoyed them, as much, or more than the two of you, but for far different reasons. I recognized the importance of having those memories...the warmth they would give in a richly lived life.
I also enjoyed...just watching the joyfulness of you, and Suni enjoying the moment. It was one of those rare opportunities for me to simply be...then, and there...to smile...laugh...and feel that my life was complete...in that one moment. To put the ugliness aside. No fear. No pain. No sadness, or grief. Just love, peace, joy, and contentment. I have few enough of those moments, as well. I found many...most of them with you kids...with the GrandBabies.
But...happy memories are important because we have a tendency to block, forget those moments when there are difficulties present in life. I'm grateful this morning that I have that memory to fill my heart.
It's been snowing off and on since late Saturday night/early Sunday morning. It's a wet snow. There was an inch or two on the ground yesterday morning, but it melted to make mud puddles in the backyard by afternoon. It kept spitting that wet snow, and rain all day yesterday.
I woke up this morning to an inch or so on the ground again. It continues to snow...little wispy flurries that blow gently in the wind. Smaller flakes that the wind catches easily.
Do you remember our late night snow walks? Getting bundled up warmly to go for those late walks in the snow when it would give us a deep one?
You and Sunshine felt like you were doing something special...we were...you know...getting to stay up late for one...being outside at 10-11 at night for a walk...the quiet would always silence your exuberance for a moment as you both appreciated it for a magical moment...your playful abandon was filled with joy, and laughter. Laughs...snowballs flew...little rolls in the snow, but the laughter, and joy from the two of you always makes me smile when I remember such times. Oh...your antics were fun...funny...fond memories, but the laughter...the joy...the abandon to just being a child...were the things that warmed my heart.
We didn't have much money when you kids were younger, so I always sought those moments for you. But it was more than that really. I wanted to create cherished memories for you, and Suni...for me, and your Dad. Memories that we would all look back upon, and enjoy a laugh, or the warmth of those moments shared between us.
I have so few memories myself...from my childhood...fond, fun memories. It was one of the things, as a mother, that I wanted to create differently for you, and Sunshine. I enjoyed them, as much, or more than the two of you, but for far different reasons. I recognized the importance of having those memories...the warmth they would give in a richly lived life.
I also enjoyed...just watching the joyfulness of you, and Suni enjoying the moment. It was one of those rare opportunities for me to simply be...then, and there...to smile...laugh...and feel that my life was complete...in that one moment. To put the ugliness aside. No fear. No pain. No sadness, or grief. Just love, peace, joy, and contentment. I have few enough of those moments, as well. I found many...most of them with you kids...with the GrandBabies.
But...happy memories are important because we have a tendency to block, forget those moments when there are difficulties present in life. I'm grateful this morning that I have that memory to fill my heart.
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